Queen’s RIM job: five wonderful things Elizabeth II can do with her new BlackBerry
On Monday, our royal sovereign joined the ranks of famous BlackBerry owners (Barack Obama, Queen Rania Al Abdullah of Jordan, Kristin Cavallari, etc.) when she toured Research in Motion headquarters in Waterloo and was given a personalized Bold 9700 model by RIM co-founder Mike Lazaridis. Sure, it’s been rumoured that Queen Elizabeth II already has a BlackBerry, but now that it’s official, we thought the time was ripe to suggest five things she could do on her new gizmo.
1) Facebook stalk Prince Harry
It’ll give her a chance to keep tabs on the wild prince when he’s overseas. Nothing kills a drunken night of partying in a Nazi uniform faster than a videotext reminder that MI5’s assassin unit works for Grandma Betsy.
2) Start selling homemade hats on Etsy
No one, not even Aretha Franklin, can top the Queen when it comes to bold head wear. With more and more people questioning the role of the royal family, Her Majesty should be happy that, thanks to sites like Etsy.com, crafting is so hot right now.
3) Play sudoku while meeting with Stephen Harper
Wouldn’t anyone?
4) Start anonymous Twitter fights
@CamillaDofC Your hat makes your butt look big #pwned
@DuchessFerg hmm…what DO you have left to sell?
LOL @ Iggy bit.ly/bL6qHE
This tea towel better not be soaked in anthrax or it’s going back @RCMP
5) Sext
Images: Queen, Brad Saunders; BlackBerry, Cheon Fong Liew.
 when she toured Research in Motion headquarters in Waterloo and was given a personalized Bold 9700 model by RIM co-founder Mike Lazaridis. Sure, it’s been rumoured that Queen Elizabeth II already has a BlackBerry, but now that it’s official, we thought the time was ripe to suggest five things she could do on her new gizmo.
1) Facebook stalk Prince Harry
It’ll give her a chance to keep tabs on the wild prince when he’s overseas. Nothing kills a drunken night of partying in a Nazi uniform faster than a videotext reminder that MI5’s assassin unit works for Grandma Betsy.
2) Start selling homemade hats on Etsy
No one, not even Aretha Franklin, can top the Queen when it comes to bold head wear. With more and more people questioning the role of the royal family, Her Majesty should be happy that, thanks to sites like Etsy.com, crafting is so hot right now.
3) Play sudoku while meeting with Stephen Harper
Wouldn’t anyone?
4) Start anonymous Twitter fights
@CamillaDofC Your hat makes your butt look big #pwned
@DuchessFerg hmm…what DO you have left to sell?
LOL @ Iggy bit.ly/bL6qHE
This tea towel better not be soaked in anthrax or it’s going back @RCMP
5) Sext
Images: Queen, Brad Saunders; BlackBerry, Cheon Fong Liew.){kind=link}
I laughed at this for more than 20 minutes straight.
Thank you for that.
This is amazing. Especially when seen on a Twitter feed.
I’m still trying to compose my tweet for this article but it’s going to come close to: #TorontoLife alleges Queen Elizabeth licks sphincter #Canada.
This is a desperate and tasteless degradation of the highest symbol of our country.
Supporting or opposing the monarchy is irrelevant here. As things stand, her Royal Highness represents Canada – the country my father and a lot of other people put their lives on the line to defend because it is one of the best places in the world to live. Until that changes (and my father carried a nazi mortar shell fragment to his grave so you could do just that in freedom) disrespecting the Queen is disrespecting Canada.
My sense of humour runs darker and edgier than most so I can understand cracking this kind of cheap scatology among friends or even at a college comedy club. Seeing it in a supposedly reputable publication for which I once aspired to write was shocking – and I don’t shock easily.
I find it hard how any media professionals with a lick of sense let this get published.
By the way my Twitter account is linked to my Facebook and Linkedin accounts so look for it in all three.
Who wrote this? It would be one thing if this was actually *funny*, but it fails to amuse, and it’s tasteless. Pull your socks up, Toronto Life.
Why is Toronto Life’s Twitter suspended?