Being Erica recap, episode 9: wherein we learn that no man could ever not love Erica Strange

We’re back to new episodes of Being Erica, after the CBC decided last week to pre-empt our favourite time traveller simply because of a hockey game—it’s almost as if they believe Canadians would rather watch hockey than a lady learning lessons. This episode opens with Erica in a chi-chi Yorkville boutique buying a magenta dress for Dave and Ivan’s nuptials. She’s happy with the dress, but when she spots a bridal gown in the window, Erica realizes that even a modern lady like herself wants to get married. After the sales lady pressures her to try it on (something we’re sure women are always doing), Kai walks in and they stand in front of the mirror. Are they the perfect image of happiness? This question launches Erica into a quote from Alice in Wonderland and this week’s theme of fantasies.

Dave and Ivan, the gay bears from Goblin’s, are getting hitched at the Gardiner Museum (and not, say, in a forest like we had assumed), and Julianne is their control-freak wedding planner. With Julianne at the helm, the menu is, of course, for locavores (she chastises the caterer, saying, “Of course no coconuts! Where do you see palm trees in Ontario?”) and the 124 guests will be treated to whatever “potted eco unique tree centerpieces” are. In fact, she’s so good at her job, Brent calls her “Canada’s Gwyneth Paltrow,” because GOOP is evidently a timely reference for the writers of Being Erica. Since no run-ins in this time-travelling universe are coincidental, Erica meets a guest who just happens to be Adam’s date. The breakup is still fresh in her mind and she feels like she’s been “punched in the stomach,” and after the vows, Kai takes her for a stroll through the museum (staff at the Gardner love it when wedding guests do this, obviously). Then, for whatever reason (they’ve been dating for all of two minutes), Kai proposes, but Erica brings up the gaping hole in logic that Kai doesn’t actually live in 2011 and sensibly says she can’t marry him.

This scene has Erica jump into Dr. Tom’s office, but he’s busy getting busy with his new girlfriend. He excuses himself by going to the bathroom, warning, “Give me a couple minutes,” and the two talk about Erica’s fantasy man. He is “ambitious, educated, honest, confident, artistic, funny, a non-smoker and a good cook,” not to mention that he has dark hair, light eyes and a great body, is single and, preferably, is from 2011. Erica is transported to meet Milo, her alternate universe photographer boyfriend (his black and white shots of buildings are incredibly artistic) who cooks pretentious dinners (artichoke and goat cheese ravioli with tomato basil broth and a chiffonade of Swiss chard), is a great masseuse (he mastered the skill during six months he spent on assignment in Thailand) and has a body that just won’t quit (which he opts to show off in tank tops). There’s no way these two couldn’t make it work, right? When Erica and Milo go for drinks at Gremlin’s (not Goblin’s—this universe is full of slight differences, it seems), Milo laughs at Jenny for thinking the capital of the United States is New York City (we can’t blame him—did she miss Grade 3 geography?) and notes that she’s racked up her fair share of male suitors, but Erica is having none of it—she finds this “perfect” guy to be vain, arrogant and insensitive.

We were worried that since it seems like Kai’s storyline has come to an end, we’d miss the chance for him to shoehorn in another song, but the writers have our backs: Dave and Ivan have chosen an acoustic version of Bruno Mars’s “Just the Way You Are” for their spotlight dance. After this cheesy (and frankly, unnecessary) scene, Kai and Erica retire to the patio to discuss all the ways they can be together in the future (mainly Erica using her doctor powers to time-travel back and forth), but she pragmatically tells him they need to stop living the fantasy life and break up. This sends Kai back to his own timeline, as his regret (pining over Erica, not fixing his album like he originally thought) has come to a close. Is Erica alone again, naturally? No, because in a heartfelt apology to Adam (which we think was a bit unnecessary, since he overreacted to that whole changing the timeline thing three episodes ago), she asks him for another chance, and he says yes (say it with us, men love Ms. Strange). Erica learns that fantasies are all well and good, but the real world is much more magical. Or something.

Being Erica #OhBrothers and #Wins

• The colour of the wedding dress Erica tries on is “cosmic latte.” Must be a Tetley Infusions flavour. #OhBrother

• Kai is Dave’s best man? Doesn’t he have any friends from Bear Night at O’Grady’s he could ask? #OhBrother

• One of Dr. Tom’s quotes this week comes from eHarmony: “Fall in love for all the right reasons.” #OhBrother

• Jenny talks like Samantha from Sex and the City: “If he wasn’t dating my best friend, I’d be all over—and under—it,” and “As long as he’s not soft in the bedroom…” #OhBrother

• Brent’s I’m-totally-not-gay lines this week: “I’m tired of being on the down low” and “When you’re ready to be out and proud, talk to me.” #Win

• Of course a gay wedding is contractually obligated to play the YMCA song. #Win

• Naturally, Dave and Ivan wear Hawaiian shirts for their honeymoon in Honolulu. Only two kinds of guys wear Hawaiian shirts: gay guys and big fat party animals. #Win