What is Brantford’s mysterious pooping bird?
The investigation has gone all the way to city council
Brantford residents have birds on the brain.
In a March 10 meeting, Brantford city councillors convened to discuss the city’s pigeon-keeping bylaw. Councillors reported that some form of airborne fowl had been pooping all over residents’ backyards and ruining their spring barbeques, and the cooing birds had been pigeonholed as culprits.
Related: Toronto is fighting the pigeons—and losing
City staff, however, stood in defence of the humble rock doves. “Scientifically, naturally, it’s not possible” for the birds to be Brantford’s airdropping menace, said Dave Wiedrick, the city’s director of bylaw compliance and security, according to BlogTO. “Pigeons defecate before they fly, not during flight, to make themselves lighter,” he explained.
This was confirmed by a spokesperson for the Canadian Pigeon Fancier’s Association—there’s something for everyone—who told the Brantford Expositor that pigeons, like the civilized birds they are, prefer to poop while seated. That’s bad news for anyone walking under a bridge, but not a problem for a wide-open backyard.
Related: Dear Urban Diplomat: What can I do to ward off my neighbour’s pigeon pals?
As Wiedrick reported, pigeons are protected by various provincial regulations, meaning the town can’t ban them outright. The council did, however, pass stricter regulations for the city’s pigeon keepers, which will surely be of great importance to all four members of the Brantford Pigeon Association.
Lost in the fracas, it would seem, is the real question: what is Brantford’s mystery pooping bird? Inland-flying seagulls? Grumpy blue jays? A cardinal with a grudge? “Not pigeons” hardly narrows it down. The next time someone steps outside for some springtime grilling, they had better keep their eyes skyward: their foe might not be a pigeon, but it could be anything else.
Anthony Milton is a freelance journalist based in Toronto specializing in long-form magazine writing. He previously worked as an assistant editor at Toronto Life, where he launched the Front Row newsletter. He regularly contributes all sorts of stories to the magazine, including deep dives on sports, business and housing as well as short-form commentary on our ever-changing city, from its obsession with cherry blossoms to its maddening NIMBYism. His work has also appeared in Maclean’s, Ricochet, TVO, the Trillium and more.
