Dear Urban Diplomat: how do I get my cottage-hogging brother to play fair?
A few years ago, my brother and I inherited the family cottage, on Lake of the Woods near Kenora. He and his family live a half-hour away and use the cottage a lot. My partner and I can only make it out there about three times a year. My brother told me he’s buying a new $850 barbecue for the place, and he wants me to split the cost with him 50/50. I don’t feel that this is justified. Shouldn’t I be paying less? How should I respond?
—Weber Warfare, Richmond Hill
You could suggest splitting the cost based on your projected percentage of use. That is certainly an option and might even seem the fairest way—to you. But it’s also the myopic and miserly way. Given your brother’s proximity to the property, he’s probably doing more than his share of the maintenance and mouse/ant/porcupine/deer repelling. I suggest you suck it up, spring for half, then get your parsimonious self out of Toronto and up to the cottage, and throw some steaks on the ’cue. Sounds like you need to decompress.
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com
![](http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=https://torontolife.com/city/urban-diplomat-weber-warfare/&title=Dear Urban Diplomat: how do I get my cottage-hogging brother to play fair?&picture=https://torontolife.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/urban-diplomat-weber-warfare.jpg&description=[caption id="attachment_286778" align="alignright" width="292"] (Image: Stephanie Pakrul/Flickr)[/caption]Dear Urban Diplomat,
A few years ago, my brother and I inherited the family cottage, on Lake of the Woods near Kenora. He and his family live a half-hour away and use the cottage a lot. My partner and I can only make it out there about three times a year. My brother told me he’s buying a new $850 barbecue for the place, and he wants me to split the cost with him 50/50. I don’t feel that this is justified. Shouldn’t I be paying less? How should I respond?
—Weber Warfare, Richmond Hill
You could suggest splitting the cost based on your projected percentage of use. That is certainly an option and might even seem the fairest way—to you. But it’s also the myopic and miserly way. Given your brother’s proximity to the property, he’s probably doing more than his share of the maintenance and mouse/ant/porcupine/deer repelling. I suggest you suck it up, spring for half, then get your parsimonious self out of Toronto and up to the cottage, and throw some steaks on the ’cue. Sounds like you need to decompress.
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com){kind=link}
Pay your half of the BBQ. AND, use some of your vacation time and stake your claim at the cottage.
Punch him in the nuts and bring a wood coal grill when you go.
That’s very adult of you..
I’d say to your brother “Look, I don’t really need a barbecue, so it’s up to you if you want to buy it”. If he uses it more, it is not your responsibility to pay for it.
Remember, he told you that he’s buying this $850 grill. It wasn’t your idea. Just because it’s what he wants, does not mean that you have to go along with it.
That is if you are truly dead-set against paying for it, however. Considering that this is only an investment of about $425 on your part (plus, probably a bit of Canadian Tire Money too, eh?) it could be worthwhile just to pay up, simply for the sake of not having an argument or awkwardness over it.
Depending on what dynamics exist in your family, it could be an issue. Perhaps you might not get invited to barbecues – on the basis that you made such a point that it’s “your brother’s thing”. At that point, it’s just not worth it. Assuming that you will eventually get $425 of use out of the thing, look at it as a long-term investment, both in your cottage, and in your family harmony.
Tell him you insist on selling since you are not getting the value out of it…