Dear Urban Diplomat: how do I get my boyfriend off my sports team?
After dating this great guy for three months, I invited him to join my ultimate team. Turns out he’s the John McEnroe of Frisbee. He makes terrible calls and then argues with the opposing players for what seems like forever. He’s lovely otherwise, and I don’t want to stop dating him. How do I jettison him from the team without deep-sixing our relationship?
—Ultimately Embarrassed, Chinatown
If it were hockey or soccer, the occasional hissy fit would be de rigueur, but ultimate is a kinder, gentler animal. The self-refereed, share-a-spliff-with-your-opponent nature of the sport can take time to get used to. Sit him down away from the field, make a joke about your teammates’ love of yoga/quinoa/bong hits before breakfast and explain that they (yes “they”—it’s okay to deflect a little) want him to tone it down by roughly 100 per cent. He’ll have to either comply or find a different team (or sport). Maybe he’ll change. Probably not. But at least if he doesn’t, the axe won’t come out of nowhere. As for your relationship, if it doesn’t survive the ousting, you’re likely better off. The old adage—sports don’t build character, they reveal it—is oft-quoted for a reason.
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com
![](http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=https://torontolife.com/city/urban-diplomat-ultimately-embarrassed/&title=Dear Urban Diplomat: how do I get my boyfriend off my sports team?&picture=https://torontolife.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/urban-diplomat-ultimately-embarrassed.jpg&description=[caption id="attachment_282619" align="alignright" width="262"] (Image: Nathan Rupert/Flickr)[/caption]Dear Urban Diplomat,
After dating this great guy for three months, I invited him to join my ultimate team. Turns out he’s the John McEnroe of Frisbee. He makes terrible calls and then argues with the opposing players for what seems like forever. He’s lovely otherwise, and I don’t want to stop dating him. How do I jettison him from the team without deep-sixing our relationship?
—Ultimately Embarrassed, Chinatown
If it were hockey or soccer, the occasional hissy fit would be de rigueur, but ultimate is a kinder, gentler animal. The self-refereed, share-a-spliff-with-your-opponent nature of the sport can take time to get used to. Sit him down away from the field, make a joke about your teammates’ love of yoga/quinoa/bong hits before breakfast and explain that they (yes “they”—it’s okay to deflect a little) want him to tone it down by roughly 100 per cent. He’ll have to either comply or find a different team (or sport). Maybe he’ll change. Probably not. But at least if he doesn’t, the axe won’t come out of nowhere. As for your relationship, if it doesn’t survive the ousting, you’re likely better off. The old adage—sports don’t build character, they reveal it—is oft-quoted for a reason.
Send your questions to the Urban Diplomat at urbandiplomat@torontolife.com){kind=link}