Dear Urban Diplomat: can I hate my fellow TTC riders for not giving up seats for me and my toddler?

64 thoughts on “Dear Urban Diplomat: can I hate my fellow TTC riders for not giving up seats for me and my toddler?”

1. Boo hoo… you choose to have children and the rest of us need to then accommodate you because of your choice? Please… get a clue. If you want something, as the author wrote, ask for it. Otherwise save your complaints

2. Just ask nicely. 99% of people will happily give you a seat if you ask.

3. It’s common courtesy to offer to help someone who is struggling especially if the offer is something as simple as vacating your uncomfortable seat. Get a clue dude. Oh and – this whole ‘choice’ to have children thing. Honestly. How do you think you got here? How do you think the species continues if people don’t have children? Having kids is a very normal human thing to do. As is helping out another fellow human beings.

4. If you can’t bother being considerate to those around you then maybe it’s time to move out to the suburbs where you can drive around in your SUV and no one else has to deal with you.

5. half the time i ask if someone wants a seat they say no. or its ok im getting off soon. id say just ask, most people will gladly give up their seat. but there are alot of assholes out there as well so good luck.

6. “Oh and – this whole ‘choice’ to have children thing. Honestly. How do you think you got here?”

   um

   by someone elses choice?

7. One should never assume that someone who is seated does not have problems of their own. After my leg operation, I would get glares from people expecting me to stand up. The jerking of the trains caused pains for my leg. I also recall while using a cane nobody would offer a seat despite the obvious signs of pain. Overseas, able-bodied people do not sit in the priority seats under no circumstances. To this day, my leg still pains me, but at a glance, you would think all is well.

8. My experience in the years when I was riding the subway was that when I offered some people my seat they looked offended, so I stopped, unless some really clear situations occurred.

9. The whinging and whining of new parents never ceases to amaze me. You decided to have a family, so congrats. If you don’t like transit, or the way you are treated on it, buy yourself a car. If you can’t afford a car or are unable to find other means to an end then maybe you should re-evaluate your decision making process to start a family. Before demonizing others for not accommodating you take a second and think it over. I repeat, boo-freaking-hoo.

10. Sorry, if I don’t bow to social pressure I should leave the city? Flawless logic bro

11. At rush hour it’s every man for himself. Like what everyone is saying, if you want a seat, you’ll have to ask for it.

12. It’s not social pressure, it’s basic common courtesy, “bro”. Cities are very crowded and difficult to live in when people only look out for themselves; someone who publicly whines about having to give up their subway seat for a baby is probably too selfish to participate in shared resources.

13. No… your kids are your issue!!! No one should have to give up their seat because you decided to procreate…BUY A STROLLER… your kid sits.. you stand! You bring the stroller to daycare in the morning, leave it there and use it on the way home…. And yes no matter how you put it having children IS a choice!! My mother made that choice and made sure she had a two seater stroller with her at all times. I have NEVER heard her complain about people not giving her a seat! So I should have to stand because I didn’t decide to have kids… i have arthritis in both of my knees and I’m only 27…. I think I need my seat a lot more than they do…. and I was born this way…. ABSOLUTELY NO CHOICE IN IT. But all you people concerned about this common curtosesy wouldn’t look twice at me.. I can’t walk around with a sign on my forehead. So if I often have to stand and no one will give ME a seat….. JOIN THE CLUB BUDDY!!!

14. There are designated priority seats people with disabilities, the elderly and pregnant women. Nobody needs to give up their seats for able-bodied fathers with children.

15. nothing colder than a cold-hearted canadian, is there ? but I am looking forward to hearing how karma bitch-slapped you- not that you matter to anyone

16. To be fair I don’t think he’s whining about giving up his seat. It’s more the entitlement of parents who have kids with expectation that they need to be accommodated.

    There’s nothing wrong with saying “I’m sorry but is it okay for my kid to sit? My arms are sore from carrying him and it’s not particularly safe to put him down”

    I hate parents who believe because they have children they automatically deserve special treatment. Expecting others to treat you the way you want to be treated is entitlement. Not everyone agrees an able father with a toddler deserves a seat.

    That said, I give my seats to children who look like they’re under 7 and a lot of parents smile and politely decline. Also I have never seen parents bringing out 1 year old on public transit without a stroller. Don’t complain about people not giving you stuff: do something about it.

17. Don’t complain about people not giving you stuff: do something about it.
    -get a stroller
    -get a bjorn
    -ask politely: “I’m sorry but is it okay for my kid to sit? My arms are sore from carrying him and it’s not particularly safe to put him down”

    Hating people because you think you’re entitled to a seat? No, not ok.

18. lots of asshole fascists in the comment section. As if someone can’t get up and offer a child a seat.

19. Its about how your parents brought you up, I gladly give my seat to someone elder, with a disability, a parent with a child anyone who looks like they need it more than I do. We were taught to have manners and show respect, Sorry to say you don’t see much of it on public transport in Canada. ,shouldn’t have to ask.

20. What a jerk you are! Why not? Have you tried doing it yourself? Let me see.. No of course not… You are just another selfish Torontonian

21. What is the matter? Families must move out of downtown? Who are you to make that decision? Education and common sense and a little bit of courtesy could make our lives much better, but people are just plain selfish.

22. Well said!

23. I agree about giving up seats for the disabled, the elderly and the pregnant, but I don’t like kids and I don’t like OTHER people’s kids. Unless they are obviously struggling (crying child, hands full of groceries) then no, I don’t usually give up my seat. I’ll often ride the subway in the opposite direction of where i’m going (after a tired day at work) and then back the other way just so I can secure a seat. Other people have that option too.

24. Ahahahhahaha no. Children are a choice, and you reap what you sow. Stroller, whatever those children carrying backpacks are called, pick one. I wish there were designated kid-trains at certain times, twice a day. I hate riding with them to work and from.

25. I don’t think people are opposed to giving you their seat. They’re opposed to your self entitled attitude of getting a seat. You’re not entitled to get a seat just because you have a kid. If you don’t get one, suck it up, and if you do, count it as a blessing.

26. Don’t know why you’re complaining for, your hero John Tory is charging the rest of us more money so your brats can ride for free.

27. Who the heck carries a child AND groceries in their hands at the same time while on public transit? Your groceries will not contract grocery AIDS or die from having to spend some time on the floor. Leave your grocery bags on the floor for the duration of the ride.

    I get especially ticked off when idiots on crowded trains/buses keep their grocery bags on the seats. No, that’s where people sit!

28. Sure they can. On the flip side, people are also entitled not to have to get up and offer a child a seat. The question writer actually asked if it’s okay to HATE people for not offering him a seat simply because he’s carrying a toddler in his arms. Who’s the fascist here?

    If I see a parent carrying a toddler who’s super-tired, I might give up my seat for them even if they don’t ask. If they ask nicely, I will. But I will not automatically give up my seat for anyone who waltzes in carrying a baby. Because since when was “Carrying a baby” a debilitating state?

    Also, whatever happened to strollers?

29. true story: one saturday I took my three-year-old downtown to buy a cell phone. On the way home, aboard the college street car, i was busy with the phone while my son sat beside me in one of those aisle-facing seats at the back. I look over, and there he is with his little legs casually resting on an older Chinese man’s legs. I apologize, but the man just smiles and says not to worry about it.

30. Everyone except the angry leprachaun

31. Yeah exactly! I had tendonitis in my foot once and it had swollen so big that it couldn’t fit in most of my shoes. The pain was so bad that walking was reduced to a shuffle so slow that I had old ladies impatiently tutting at me when I was walking in front of them. I had to stand all day at my retail job on my injured foot and when I took the subway home it would be the first relief I would feel in 8 hours of finally taking weight off my foot. Even though I was young and no one could see my injury I got so many dirty looks from people, 60 year old people who looked like they came from their desk jobs, trying to get me to move. Since then I never judge people that don’t move from seats, a lot of disabilities are invisible.

32. Well you try it first and let me know if you’d appreciate a seat. Kinda sexist to help a mother with a kid and but not a father. (single dad btw)

33. Gee how noble of you. “I might give up my seat for them even if they don’t ask.` And `since when was “Carrying a baby” a debilitating state?`it was since people had this thing called compassion. Something you lack.

34. blah blah blah. maybe i`ll role my stroller over your feet. WAH WAH WAH. I have arthritis. Great! Hope your foot masks the pain.

35. A lot of people don’t even offer their seats to seniors these days. So I don’t think the majority of the public would even think to ask an able-bodied young man with a small child if they wanted a seat.

36. That makes no sense, but whatever helps you sleep at night.

37. You can’t make sense of it? Exactly. I’m not surprised.

38. my husband actually gets offered more help while in public than I do. I assume its becaise society assumes he isn’t as capible as a woman? People will help him up and down stairs, open doors n offer seats wwhereme its very seldom thay happens.

39. I’m curious… you say ‘save your complaints’ but I didn’t see him complaining. I saw him ask a question. I saw evidence of being a thoughtful, honest human being due to his asking about his own annoyance. But you seem to have some anger issues of your own, the way you go off on him, saying that ‘the rest of us’ need to accommodate him. People accommodate other people for ALL KINDS Of different things, including their ‘choice’ to have children. I can tell you have problems, given the way you lash out and phrases like ‘because of your choice’. Like I said, people will accommodate others all the time-but clearly not people that are like you. I hope things start looking up for you someday. Maybe you will someday meet someone special that makes you happier… or at least happy enough that you are in a position to also make the choice to have children. I just hope your partner teaches those kids how to have empathy and sympathy because it sure ain’t going to come from you. Or, at least not this character you play on message boards.

40. I’m going to go out on a limb and say 00AV didn’t get here from a choice his parents made.

41. I can understand your reluctance to give up a seat ever. You must be EXHAUSTED from carrying that chip on your shoulder, all day, all night.

42. LOL… calling me a bastard. And with that your arguments (valid or otherwise) go down the crapper…… *slow clap*

43. Darren, I’ll just say that with 9 likes mine is the most agreed with comment in this thread. Don’t shoot the messenger… well I mean you can, but it’d be pointless. I’m just strong enough to voice my opinion, but by the looks of it many agree with me and have grown tired of the moans of new parents. “Life is tough, get over it.”

44. Is it OK to hate? Sure. Just know that you don’t have to feel that way. You can learn to GET OVER IT. Maybe ASK FOR A SEAT? Hate isn’t good for anyone. And kids FEEL your stress, even when you try to hide it.

45. “I saw an able-bodied woman”… I’m sorry but you need to stop right there. Not everyone who is disabled is VISIBLY not-able-bodied (as other commenters have mentioned!). I have an invisible illness but I guess I must look very young and spry, since I’m constantly getting dirty looks from bystanders for not offering my seat when anyone who looks vaguely over 65 gets on. And I’m not talking about priority seating – having any seat at all is a social faux pas when you’re young. And not all old-looking people need or want seats (I definitely offended a few by offering before I realized not every old person wants a pity-party thrown for them every time they board transit). I don’t think this is about entitlement, it’s about assumptions. You cannot tell by looking at someone whether they need a seat more or less than you. All you have to do is ask.

46. 1: Are you REALLY laughing out loud? Or is that part of the persona that you’re clearly doing? 2: Nobody called you a bastard. In fact, you seem to not even know the meaning of the word. Bastard is someone born of parents who aren’t married. You seem to think bastard is someone who wasn’t a planned birth. So therefore, none of the arguments I’ve made-which have all been valid-go down the crapper. 3: *Slow clap*? You really need to step up your troll game. You’re all cliche and shtick with no content. Anyway, back to your little dog and pony show Kid.

47. Jesus, you’re one of those ‘I’ve got more agrees than you’ guys? Yeah, you’re SO strong. Or you inadvertently pander to those who have nothing to say but DO spend the better part of their day clicking ‘like’ on everything they can find on facebook, etc. But if you find validation in your shtick from random ‘likes’-then good for you. Whatever helps you avoid acknowledging valid intelligent points people make against your ‘opinion’. I give you credit though-you make no effort to hid your obvious deflections from them.

48. Does using tired old cliches help YOU sleep at night? Or just avoid the fact that you don’t understand what mezimeen said?

49. I asked when having a child became a debilitating status, he or she answered “When people had compassion”. Which makes absolutely no sense, but whatever.

50. I am in the same boat. Just because you can’t see my disability or how my body feels, doesn’t mean I don’t need a seat. When I need one, I ask BUT I have to say, sometimes the response is anything but understanding.

51. Nope, nothing cold-hearted at all.You choose to have kids, you take what comes with it. There is far too much self-entitlement in today’s society where the minority expects to be catered to “just because”.

52. Go fuck yourself buddy. Old people, yes, disabled, ofcourse, but your grown ass? Just cause you have kids? Go fuck yourself. You can ask me as nice as you want, your ass can stand. Just cause you have kids, don’t make me laugh. Also, kids 12 and under ride for free, so cry me a river.

53. And me. i don’t give up seats for 30 something adults with kids. Your ass can stand.

54. I agree with him almost 100%. You’re ass can stand. You’re not disabled, you’re not weak and old, you just have kids. usually in a carriage, so why should i give up my seat. Just cause your tired from controlling kids, go fuck yourself.

55. Seriously. Kids under 12 get to ride for free anyways, think of that as everybody giving up their seats.

56. Nope, actually, you are a petty human garbage.

57. I have no problem giving my seat to a disable, pregnant or elderly passenger. You and your kids can stand. People with kids have to stop expecting the rest of us to pander to their every needs.

58. Have you thought of asking for a seat?

    “Hi, would you mind if I sat down with my child?”

59. Next time f8ck a woman that owns a car.

60. Stop being a loser.

61. Please enlighten us as to what you think fascism means…

62. Stop being a loser.

63. lol. you’re a little late to the party. stop being a loser on 3 month old comments. byeeeee

64. Yes, by all means, teach your children that they have every right to inconvenience others to get whatever they want, just for being born.

Comments are closed.