Much a ’Do About Nothing

“Barbara Amiel’s recent absence from the Ordeal of the CenturyTM last Tuesday provoked much speculation among media vermin. What matter of vital importance could impel the steadfast Lady Black to abandon her role as the dutiful wife in support of her Tubster in his hour of darkness? Did she require emergency botox? A blood change? Alas, nothing so dramatic. Instead, m’lady had an appointment with her favourite hairdresser in preparation for her starring role the next day at Massey College.

As Madame Amiel simply cannot find good help in Chicago, she is obliged to make frequent flips back to Toronto, to the welcoming arms of Denis Campeau, the DC Salon maestro, and Nicky, the talented colourist, who has concocted a secret recipe for Barbara’s chestnut-hued ‘do. Nicky’s work has drawn rave reviews, even from rival tintmeisters. ‘Her hair is full and sexy,’ gushed Robert Gage to the Globe and Minion. Gage should know. His salon was on Amiel’s speed dial some years ago, until she and Gage got into a nasty agglethorpe and Barbara took her business elsewhere. I understand Nicky himself was stamping his foot last week over the ink accorded Gage. ‘I can’t believe it. They didn’t even mention us. They’re quoting [Gage] who she hasn’t been to in six years,’ he said.

Since Barbara was due back at the trial Monday morning, DC Salon opened specially for her on Sunday.”

We have only one question: what on earth is an agglethorpe?