Jersey Shore Meets the Lake Shore

Cabana Pool Bar, Charles Khabouth’s Vegas-style oasis in the Port Lands, is a star-studded playground for the buxom, Botoxed and booze-soaked. Here, a look at the wildest, most orgiastic antics to date

By Jessica Flower | Illustrations by Kagan McLeod

1 | A hard-bodied woman and her sorta ordinary beau hooked up in a bathroom stall while a crowd gathered outside to cheer them on. After five minutes the woman emerged and announced that her not-quite-randy-enough counterpart couldn’t rise to the occasion.

2 | A few bathers—no doubt teeming with liquid courage—barked at Drake, en route to the loo, for being a sellout.

3 | Justin Bieber got juiced on Belvedere and cranberry juice (apparently he loves the stuff) and posed for umpteen photos. A pack of eager Beliebers soon formed, and his server ended up with cuts and bruises from battling the hordes.

4 | Mouthy Habs defenceman P. K. Subban, wildly overdressed in pants and a T-shirt, snapped pics of a bevy of extra-attentive cabana-mates.

5 | Leaf forwards Phil Kessel and Nazem Kadri schmoozed and mercifully kept their shirts on. The world is not ready for a topless Kessel.

6 | During a lightning storm, one thoroughly pickled swimmer declared she’d never exit the pool, then doffed her bikini. Staff hauled her out and handed her over to police, who tossed her in the back of a cruiser.

7 | The potential for skinny dipping, drinking in the pool and swinging from the tops of the cabanas keeps security on high alert.

8 | Seafaring booze-chuggers have been known to moor their boats in front of the club, get smashed on Cabana’s booze, then jump in the lake.

9 | Beat-laying varmint Deadmau5 strolled in late last summer wearing a basketball jersey, in flagrant violation of the (somewhat perplexing) sportswear ban, and sipped on comped bubbly. A few weeks later (he’s a regular), he took over the DJ booth on a whim. Word spread on Twitter, and the place was suddenly packed.

10 | A pack of lubricated males asked for glass plates, or “just something to break for the sake of breaking something.”

11 | A Parisian-themed day featuring models wearing red berets devolved into a venue-wide water-gun fight, with the ladies hosing each other down amid a crowd of slack-jawed onlookers.

12 | Excessive garments are a no-no. Even the ice cream cart driver wears a teensy ’kini.