Slap Chop experiment ends with hilarious (if predictable) results for Star writer
Last week, the Toronto Star’s Garnet Fraser joined the ranks of late-night television junkies hoping to slap their troubles away. The writer recently succumbed (“I’m stupid that way”) to the ads and purchased a Slap Chop, the infamous kitchen gizmo hawked by deranged infomercial god Vince Offer of ShamWow fame. Fraser’s test of the product revealed that—surprise, surprise—it’s less revolutionary than Offer would have us believe. Tomatoes have to be pre-chopped before they’ll fit into the device, thereby undoing the few precious seconds that Slap Chop promises to add to the day. Not only that, but onion skin ends up jamming the Slap Chop’s blades.
Did the Slap Chop put Fraser in a “good mood all day” as promised? Judging from the jovial tone of his article, the answer is yes—but largely due to the joys of self-deprecation.
The world’s full of rip-offs—how’s that time share working out for you?—and I have gotten some dark, violent laughs out of this one. If you’re the sort who will take a moment to dice onions, who holds themselves to thorough bourgeois standards, or who just doesn’t like to toss $25 on a lark, it’s not for you.
Good advice. We’ll hold off on the Slap Chop for now, saving our pennies for a Magic Bullet (the power-assisted Slap Chop). In the meantime, we’ll content ourselves with this remix of the Slap Chop infomercial. Hey, it costs a lot less than $25.