Real Housewives of Toronto episode nine recap: the confrontation

Real Housewives of Toronto episode nine recap: the confrontation

In the penultimate episode of this season of The Real Housewives of Toronto, a birthday party at The Spoke Club sets the scene for the ladies to finally confront Kara about gossiping behind their backs.

The episode begins at Grego’s house, where she and Jana are making birthday party plans for Pierre, Grego’s husband, at the Spoke Club (which he owns). The conversation quickly turns to the guest list and whether or not Kara will show up. Grego is hoping not, since last week the women learned Kara didn’t come on the Barcelona trip because she didn’t want to be seen with them in public. Jana and Grego are also (rightly) concerned that, if Kara comes, she will kill the vibe by judging their alcohol consumption. Jana asks, “How can you let your hair down and have a good time when you know somebody is looking at you and judging every move that you make?”

Next up, Ann visits Joan’s pied-à-terre, which the women describe interchangeably as an apartment or a condo, even though it is four storeys and probably 3,000 square feet. Ann raves about the success of the AMBI Gala, but is quick to reveal how pissed Kara was at Joan for not buying a $25,000 table. Joan is angry because she believes Kara has been using her for her money—she even goes so far as to suggest Kara may have been raising money for the event for personal gain. Joan says, “I hate to think that she would make something off the AMBI Gala. That concerns me.” Ann agrees.

I don’t want to side with Kara, but I strongly doubt she was skimming off the top of those AMBI Gala tickets. Of course, she was getting something out of it: she gets to be Queen of the Gala—which, as we’ve already ascertained, is the top prize for the unemployed, hyper-competitive rich lady. But I don’t think the Alloways are low on cash.

That’s why I almost thought I misheard Joan’s accusation. But she repeats it the next day at lunch with Kara on the patio of Gusto. When Kara asks why Joan didn’t buy a table, Joan replies, “I wasn’t entirely clear what the cause was.” Kara responds, “It’s not my AMBI Gala; it’s an AMBI Gala for the children. I wasn’t asking you to give money to me.” True. But off camera, she also says, “Okay, sure. Maybe I am just interested in what she has to offer the charity. I don’t know what the issue is.” The issue is no one wants to feel like you’re taking advantage of them. Isn’t that why lots of rich people hold their money so tight?

Then, finally, Joan and Kara confront the drama that’s been lingering between them. (Quick recap: Joan got drunk and tried to go skinny-dipping at Kara’s Muskoka dinner party, and then Kara blabbed about it to everyone.) Joan is tepid about venting her issues, but Kara has finally realized she is the villain of the cast and embraces the role. She denies gossiping and blames Roxy for spreading the rumours. She expels every last grievance, climaxing with the statement, “You didn’t have a little too much to drink, you were literally falling down, blind drunk.”

The thing is, no one denies anything about that night. In Housewives parlance, they “own it.” They went to a dinner party, got drunk and wanted to go skinny-dipping. Kara got weird so they didn’t go in the lake. Joan’s underwear got left behind. That’s it. The end. Yet, Kara remains hamstrung that this was a personal assault against her and the “most embarrassing thing that has ever happened at the cottage.”

This is next-level uptight-ness. Also, she uses the word “panties” about 16 times at this lunch, which I find more crude than leaving a pair or two behind. The decibel finally cracks 60 when she yells, “Joan, don’t run away. If you come after me, flames will shoot out of my nostrils.” That is also one of my personal favourite threats.

Switching things up, the episode continues with Jana going on a blind date (Grego arranged it through a professional matchmaker), and, OMG, it is so bad. Jana’s date, Rob, introduces himself while wearing a pair of gnarly fake teeth to throw her off. I don’t know who told him this was a good move, but things barely improve from there. This guy is no match for Jana. I bet the number of Torontonians who go on blind dates this weekend plummets to all-time low.

We don’t get much of Roxy this episode, because, when the other women returned home from Spain, she stayed in Europe for a friend’s wedding. She does sneak in a quick Skype chat with Ann, though, who invites her to her vow-renewal ceremony. Ann tells her the theme: “If you’re not over-dressed, you’re under-dressed.” Roxy does not mind this one bit and makes her own vow to spend her last day in London shopping for a gown.

Finally, it’s time for Pierre’s birthday at The Spoke Club. On the way there (aboard SUV limos, of course), Joan tells Jana what happened at lunch, and Jana is gunning for a fight. Jana, ever the supportive friend, tells Joan she did nothing wrong and that she will stick up for her. In Kara’s SUV limo, she brags to her husband about who designed her dress, tells him that Joan denied losing her panties—not true—and threatens to come after her like a tiger. Okay.

The party is festive and fun, with Brazilian dancers and lots of drinks, but the women are stressed about Kara’s impending arrival. Joan keeps saying the lunch conversation with Kara “went sideways,” which is Corporate Wife speak for “she wants to shoot flames out of her nostrils at me and I’m scared.”

The drama reaches full tilt when Kara arrives and the women plunk her down in a cabana for a showdown. Jana leads the charge by asking the obvious question about the dinner-party drunkenness: “Who cares!?” Jana tells her they are giving her the platform to say sorry, but Kara once again plays the victim and tells Jana, “I flew in cheese from Puglia. I flew in cookbooks from Italy!”

“We don’t give a shit, actually,” Jana responds. Nice.

It’s obvious this isn’t going anywhere. In Kara’s mind, she’s done nothing wrong. She denies being judgmental, then immediately says she will judge any adult woman who takes her clothes off. Once she realizes she can’t win, Kara grabs her husband and makes her exit, leaving the other women flabbergasted in the booth behind her. Ann, who has stayed out of the fray, comforts Jana and Grego: “There’s just no room for being human with her.”

As the women try to wrap their heads around their first true Housewives showdown, Grego defers to her first language to utter one of the best lines of the season thus far: “C’est vraiment bizarre.”

The season finale of The Real Housewives of Toronto airs on Slice at 10 p.m. on Tuesday, May 9.