Battle of the Blades, Week 6: the good, the bad and the snuggly
The funniest thing about this week’s episode, by far, was the icy attitude that guest judge (and ’70s figure skating legend) Toller Cranston brought to the night’s otherwise cheery proceedings. We get it, T.C., you’re a champion. But this is a campy CBC reality show, not the Olympics, so take a chill pill. Guest judges are supposed to provide a celebrity factor and a fresh face (see Posh Spice on American Idol). They are not supposed to hand out the lowest scores of the night.
But enough about him. (Er, make that almost enough. Were we the only ones who got a kick when Cranston somewhat smugly pointed out that he’s living in Mexico now, like the Frida Kahlo garb wasn’t a dead giveaway.) This week, the remaining pairs channelled beloved big screen classics with mixed results. As always, we weigh in on who should stay, who should go and who should get it on.
Who should stay: Kelly and Kyoko
We’ve been hard on this pair from the get-go, but Kelly skated with a whole new sense of confidence and skill this week. Could be that he appears to have lost about 75 pounds since the show started, or maybe it’s just that his somewhat ogre-ish style found the ideal outlet playing Shrek to Kyoko’s Princess Fiona. Gone are his dreadful signature fist pumps (maybe he’s been reading our blog), replaced by actual skating. He even pulled off a couple of back-to-back waltz jumps. The only thing missing was the green face paint, which we’re guessing got nixed after last week’s unfortunate blackface scandal. Just another example of some idiot spoiling it for everyone.
Who should go: Izzy and Todd
Seeing a 250-pound hockey jock dressed in drag doesn’t happen every day, and for your bravery, Todd, we commend you. Still, all the fake boobs and awkward sexy gestures in the world couldn’t disguise the fact that this pair’s To Wong Foo routine was the weakest of the night. We’re confident the voting audience will agree, so in the spirit of their final gender-bending skate tonight, we just want to say, “To Todd and Izzy, thanks for everything. Love, The Good, The Bad and The Snuggly.”
Who should get it on: Val and Katia
The slinky silver dress, the 5 o’clock shadow—could these two have looked any hotter? Of course, we’re kidding about them actually getting it on (the little pre-taped segment before the performance made it clear how much Mrs. Bure is missing her man), but when two gorgeous people skate this beautifully together and one of them is wearing a garter (!!!), well, we don’t make the rules. As always, the Russians were in a league of their own, and well deserving of two 6.0s handed out by the judges (Cranston gave them a 5.8). But we’re not sure we approve of their decision to dance to “From Russia With Love,” which was also Candace and Val’s wedding song. Call us Kimmy Gibbler, but we have to stick up for our cyber-BFF.
(All images provided by the CBC.)
 Toller Cranston brought to the night’s otherwise cheery proceedings. We get it, T.C., you’re a champion. But this is a campy CBC reality show, not the Olympics, so take a chill pill. Guest judges are supposed to provide a celebrity factor and a fresh face (see Posh Spice on American Idol). They are not supposed to hand out the lowest scores of the night.
But enough about him. (Er, make that almost enough. Were we the only ones who got a kick when Cranston somewhat smugly pointed out that he's living in Mexico now, like the Frida Kahlo garb wasn't a dead giveaway.) This week, the remaining pairs channelled beloved big screen classics with mixed results. As always, we weigh in on who should stay, who should go and who should get it on.
Who should stay: Kelly and Kyoko
We’ve been hard on this pair from the get-go, but Kelly skated with a whole new sense of confidence and skill this week. Could be that he appears to have lost about 75 pounds since the show started, or maybe it’s just that his somewhat ogre-ish style found the ideal outlet playing Shrek to Kyoko’s Princess Fiona. Gone are his dreadful signature fist pumps (maybe he’s been reading our blog), replaced by actual skating. He even pulled off a couple of back-to-back waltz jumps. The only thing missing was the green face paint, which we’re guessing got nixed after last week’s unfortunate blackface scandal. Just another example of some idiot spoiling it for everyone.
Who should go: Izzy and Todd
Seeing a 250-pound hockey jock dressed in drag doesn’t happen every day, and for your bravery, Todd, we commend you. Still, all the fake boobs and awkward sexy gestures in the world couldn’t disguise the fact that this pair's To Wong Foo routine was the weakest of the night. We’re confident the voting audience will agree, so in the spirit of their final gender-bending skate tonight, we just want to say, "To Todd and Izzy, thanks for everything. Love, The Good, The Bad and The Snuggly."
Who should get it on: Val and Katia
The slinky silver dress, the 5 o’clock shadow—could these two have looked any hotter? Of course, we’re kidding about them actually getting it on (the little pre-taped segment before the performance made it clear how much Mrs. Bure is missing her man), but when two gorgeous people skate this beautifully together and one of them is wearing a garter (!!!), well, we don’t make the rules. As always, the Russians were in a league of their own, and well deserving of two 6.0s handed out by the judges (Cranston gave them a 5.8). But we’re not sure we approve of their decision to dance to “From Russia With Love,” which was also Candace and Val’s wedding song. Call us Kimmy Gibbler, but we have to stick up for our cyber-BFF.
(All images provided by the CBC.)){kind=link}
I don’t think that was a garter Katia was wearing — but a gun strap, in keeping with the Bond theme. I think I saw a little fake gun attached to it, but I really think I need a better look :)
Gun strap/garter. Who cares? Those two were oozing sex!
I do think that you have forgotten to include the best team on Battle Blades. Their names are Sahe-Lynn Bourne and Patrice Brisebois. IOs there any particular reason that they weren’t included?
Once again my faves….Shae-Lynn & Patrice…speed,great lifts,challenging footwork…S-L should get a 6.0 for her core-strength/abs alone!
p.s. What was the deal on the “drama” of whether Katia’s skates would arrive…real or just the producers trying to throw a wrench in the works???
Was I the only one that fell off my couch when Jamie casually mentioned that she’s separated from David?!? WTF!
I can’t believe how good Katia and Val are. They make it look sooo freaking easy. Their unison in stroking is amazing. He doesn’t just hoik her up into the air, but uses the proper techniqe (they did an axel lasso lift, holy cripes!!). Good god but I miss that style of pairs skating. I look forward to their performances every week. Shae and Patrice had a great night too. Their footwork was simply fantastic!
Um, Davenport!! Haven’t you heard the gossip that Jamie and David are separated because Jamie had an affair with her last season’s partner Craig Simpson!!?? Simpson also split from his wife after pairing up with JS.
Is that true about the reason for Jamie and David’s separation? If so, she would no longer be the darling of Canadian women’s figure skating in my eyes.
Besides, I love Katia :)
Jamie definitely broke up the Simpson marriage. Remember, David was married when he and Jamie got together in the late 90’s and she broke up that first marriage too. (The press always said he had a short marriage and that he and Jamie started dating about a year later, but everyone knew that wasn’t true but didn’t care. He was really young to be married). In the same way, Jamie and Craig will pretend in about another year or so that they have started to “see” each other, having both been divorced recently. Count on it.
Is it the reason for Jamie and David’s separation? Depends. He had an affair with Tessa Virtue which broke up the marriage in the first place or at least caused a separation. A few months later in Battle of the Blades, Jamie went after Craig Simpson or as I call him, JR (Jamie’s Revenge). A lot of their friends insist that Jamie and David were back together at the end of last year, and that Jamie had the affair when she saw the opportunity.
One thing for sure, a lot of people know about Jamie’s affair but not about David’s part in the breakup, and Jamie is doing a lot of PR to make sure that it is “out there” that she was separated during Battle of the Blades last year. That was so obvious when the split announcement last June said that they had already been separated for 18 months, a completely unnecessary piece of information that was made public to offset the “homewrecker” gossip that Jamie knew was going to be viral once her relationship with Craig eventually becomes common knowledge.
I really enjoy this show, it’s a great idea to partner these very different skaters and make it entertaining. I don’t even care who wins. Look forward to tonight’s show.
Wow….Jess and Sully thanks for the intel re: Jamie and David….clearly I missed a lot by skipping season 1 of BOTB…still shocked ‘cuz they seemed to be playing the happy family card to the hilt for CTV during the Winter Olympics…geez, all this time I thought Lloyd Eisner was the bad boy of skating…
Wait, Craig Simpson had an affair with Tessa Virtue???
I think that Todd & Izzys performance was just fantastic! They way he threw himself into his character was awesome and he looked like he was having fun. Thats what Battle of the Blades is suppose to be about having fun and to be entertaining and Todd & Izzy did that for the crowd. The only couple of the night to receive a standing ovation. Don’t write this couple off yet. The way Todd uses his skates lets us know he’s there to compete.
No, it wasn’t Craig Simpson who had the supposed affair with Tessa Virtue, it was David (Jamie’s husband) who was supposed to have the affair & I have heard that before. It sounds as if J & D are as bad as each other???