William Shatner won’t be our next governor general, but he totally should be

William Shatner won’t be our next governor general, but he totally should be

William Shatner (Image: Anton Raath) 

The Toronto Star devotes precious front-page inches to the kind of story that Canadians most yearn for: Will a Canadian-born celebrity please come home and make us all feel special? Where have you gone, William Shatner? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you: “Almost 12,000 people have signed on as fans on the [Facebook] page launched March 22 urging Capt. James T. Kirk to beam into Rideau Hall once Michaëlle Jean stands down.”

The Star is quick to point out that Shatner isn’t interested in the gig. Sure, they get a decent house and can decide the fate of a nation, but governors general spend a lot of time in front of a camera wearing odd costumes, so we can understand why this might be unappealing to William Shatner.

But before he or anyone else dismisses the idea completely, we offer six key attributes that would make a Shatner governorship a success.

1.  Excellent anger management.
When he cancels his Priceline vacation in order to deal with some crisis in the middle of an Ottawa winter, Shatner knows not to take his frustrations out on the people around him, but instead focus on the real irritants—such as Khan.
2.  Innovative transit solutions.
Sure, the governor general has little to zero input on, well, anything, but Shatner’s “Rocket Man” proposal is clearly an endorsement of funding for Transit City.
3.  He’s a unifying force.
As an anglophone born in Quebec who has decades of experience serving the Federation and negotiating with other races, he could be a powerful force for national unity.
4.  Can join the PM in Beatles duets, other activities.
Ever since Stephen Harper sang “I get high with a little help from my friends,” it’s been important that Canadians have a more open and frank discussion about drug policy through Beatles hits.
5.  Improving relations with other countries.
Nothing says international harmony like a Canadian actor accompanying a Taiwanese kid singing “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” a song written by an American and originally sung by the Welsh Bonnie Tyler.

6.  He might bring Leonard Nimoy here with him.
Nimoy is coming to Canada to christen Vulcan, Alberta, the official Star Trek capital of Canada. If we do this real quick, maybe we can convince him to stay and serenade us with his odes to Hobbits.

• Bold pick for Governor General: William Shatner? [Toronto Star]