The upside of being a have-not province

It appears Ontario may soon be on the receiving end of transfer payments. So says this report co-authored by TD chief economist Don Drummond (who seems to issue all the most controversial economic reports) and this screaming headline in the Star. This news, though unfortunate, does confer some benefits. As a have-not province, Ontarians can expect the rest of the country to stop quietly, seethingly resenting them. Henceforth, Ontarians will be made fun of out in the open, in an endearingly corn-pone kind of way. In other words, “Ontarie” jokes will now replace Newfie jokes.

It’s not like the joke-butt status won’t be earned. The biggest joke of all is the existence of a have-not province that is home to all the country’s major banks: Ontario has all the money yet can’t figure out a way to keep any for itself. Allow me to get the fun started with this knee-slapper:

Question: How does a Newfie pay for groceries? Answer: With his welfare cheque, paid for by Ontarie taxpayers. Question: How does an Ontarie pay for groceries?Answer: He borrows the money from his Newfie cousin.