Where’s Rob Ford?

Where’s Rob Ford?

(Image: Ford: Christopher Drost; Tim Hortons: Peter Broster) (Image: Ford: Christopher Drost; Tim Hortons: Peter Broster)
 

Earlier today, Doug Ford promised to provide the media with definitive proof that his brother, Rob Ford, is actually in rehab. It’s a type of assurance some politicians wouldn’t need to provide, but then again some politicians don’t have long and colourful histories of deceiving the public about their drug and alcohol use.

People are justifiably suspicious, and their suspicions are making them see things. As we wait for Doug’s evidence, here’s a look at a week in Rob Ford sightings.

1. Chicago
Ford reportedly flew to Chicago in a private aircraft and then, for reasons unclear, decided to withdraw his application for admission into the U.S. and return to Canada. Rumours of his presence in the city persist.

Odds Ford is actually there: 5000:1


2. Richmond Hill
A Twitter user snapped a blurry, bigfoot-esque picture of a Fordlike guy driving a car in Richmond Hill. His face and chin are about the right shape, but his sunglasses make it hard to tell how much he actually resembles the mayor. His posture and clothing give him away as a probable Ford impostor, though.

Odds Ford is actually there: 4000:1


3. Hamilton
There was some excitement on Tuesday when internet sleuths thought they’d figured out that Ford’s return flight to Canada had landed in Hamilton. (It’s not clear whether that’s true.) Later that day, someone tweeted about a possible sighting in the area.

Odds Ford is actually there: 2500:1


4. A Tim Hortons in the Junction
This is probably the most credible of the past week’s Rob Ford sightings, which isn’t saying much. A teenager named Cayla Clarkson claims to have spotted the mayor at a Dundas West Tim Hortons on Tuesday, and the Star managed to find an unnamed Tim Hortons employee willing to corroborate the story. But there’s reason for doubt. For one thing, Doug Ford claims he was actually he one at the Tim Hortons. For another, Tim Hortons says staff reviewed the security tape and concluded that the person ordering coffee was “for sure, Doug.”

Odds Ford was actually there: 100:1


5. Actually in rehab somewhere, just like he says he is
Rob Ford has a well-deserved reputation for dishonesty, but most of his lies have consisted of quick denials followed by weeks or months of silence. Pretending to be in rehab would be an incredibly elaborate lie to sustain: he’d have to stay out of view, get supplies ferried to him by trusted associates and probably concoct some kind of detailed story to tell on his return. Only a psychopath would even consider deceiving the public to that degree, and Ford doesn’t seem that far gone. It’s definitely true, at any rate, that his treatment program doesn’t seem all that rigourous. The Sun thinks he might be at Homewood Health Centre, in Guelph.

Odds Ford is actually there: 5:1