John Tory announces a plan to make life slightly more frustrating for raccoons

John Tory announces a plan to make life slightly more frustrating for raccoons

This morning, our mercifully boring mayor John Tory came as close as he will probably ever come to picking a fight with a specific group of Torontonians—albeit one that is universally vilified and completely nonvoting. During a press conference at city hall, Tory unveiled the city’s next-generation green bin, a larger and more tamper-proof version of the compost containers we’ve been using since 2002. To coincide with the big announcement, the city released a video of a couple racoons pathetically pawing at the superbin’s plastic exterior in a vain attempt to get at the sweet garbage inside. “We are ready, we are armed and we are motivated to show that we cannot be defeated by these critters,” Tory told reporters. “We have left no stone unturned in our fight against the Raccoon Nation.” Raccoons have yet to respond to the mayor’s fighting words, presumably because their mouths are full of rotting leftovers.