To give their daughter Kate as much aristocratic heft as possible (and to quiet complaints about a commoner princess), Michael and Carole Middleton recently commissioned a family crest unveiled just in time for Friday’s Royal Wedding. Apparently, you don’t need to be to be royal or even noble to earn your own coat of arms. With this in mind, we designed crests for some of our city’s most celebrated clans. Illustrations by Nick Craine
Joe Mimran and Kimberley Newport-Mimran are Toronto’s royal couple of the runway. In keeping with their stylish but simple aesthetic, we’d choose a monogrammed bedroom slipper—Joe Fresh’s signature footwear, even in formal settings—set against a pink tartan background.
David Thomson may be far and away the richest man in Canada (see: massive stakes in BellGlobeMedia, Reuters, Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment), but he’s also got a bit of a bad-boy reputation. Remember the scandalous family exposé that ran in Maclean’s a few years back? In it, a source reflected on the differences between the famously gentle Lord Thomson of Fleet Street and his infamously less-gentle son David, saying, “Ken is a flower, David is a gun.”
A Weston clan tradition dictates that all males get a G moniker. We’ve also considered Hilary’s Irish roots, Galen Weston Junior’s green agenda and the fact that these people are the closest thing to a royal family we’re ever going to get (they’re also the only family on this list who are attending Will and Kate’s wedding). Throw that all together, and this is what we came up with.
Long before Carrie Bradshaw came along with her beloved Manolo Blahniks, Canada had Mila Mulroney—fashion plate, first lady and owner of more than 100 pairs of shoes. Now her daughter-in-law Jessica (herself of the Brown’s shoe dynasty) carries on the family tradition with a devotion to sky-high stilettos. As for the Mulroney men, well, we hear they’ve got something in common too.
Okay, so this is more of a needlepoint pillow design than a crest, but we decided to go easy on the telecom clan. Sure, everyone we know has a bone to pick about their inflated phone bill, but hate the game, people, not the players. Besides, we’re pretty sure Netflix is exacting revenge as we speak. Oh, and the beehive that would make Priscilla Presley blush? A nod to Suzanne’s one-time signature ’do, of course.
Warm American pie (Eugene Levy has appeared in all seven movies) and the now defunct The Hills: The After Show (starring Eugene’s son Dan) have kept the Levys’ name in the public eye, but they will always be remembered for their horn-rimmed glasses and bushy eyebrows. This crest is kind of a no-brainer.