Eight signs you’re losing your mind, as gleaned from Vanity Fair’s profile of stranded-in-Canada Quaids

Eight signs you’re losing your mind, as gleaned from Vanity Fair’s profile of stranded-in-Canada Quaids

Gettin' Randy (Image: James Jeffrey) 

You’ve likely already heard the sordid gossip about actor Randy Quaid and wife Evi’s recent loony adventures in Vancouver. The colourful couple is currently seeking refuge in Canada from a squad of “Hollywood star-whackers” they claim is out to kill them. This month’s issue of Vanity Fair delves deeper into the bizarre tale of outrageous accusations and erratic behaviour and ultimately comes to the same conclusion as everyone else: they’re probably nuts.

Yet the article isn’t entirely redundant. Readers wondering if they are losing their marbles can read through this handy list of indicators pulled from Vanity Fair’s piece. Answer “yes” to even a couple of these, and you may want to seek professional help.

1. You sleep in a car filled with clothes, shoes, papers, pillows, blankets and an Australian cattle dog named Doji.

2. You wear pink handcuffs at court appearances, and no one knows why.

3. You think Meg Ryan is jealous of you. (She’s not.)

4. Over a 10-year period, you bought 200 pairs of Manolo Blahniks.

5. You’ve written the pilot for your own reality television show, in which you literally shoot someone’s head off.

6. When you appear in a play, you insist on wearing a codpiece “the size and shape of an official NFL football” that makes you look like a “gay Vivienne Westwood.”

7. You send people unsolicited naked photos of yourself in bed holding a pistol.

8. A Vanity Fair photographer shows up to photograph you for an article that will bear the cover line “Say hello to Hollywood’s craziest couple (and that’s a high bar).”

• The Quaid Conspiracy [Vanity Fair]